When I first started learning about women and relationships, I was very passionate, and wanted to learn everything I could about the topic. One way of doing that was to talk to a lot of women and ask them related questions, so I could fill in my knowledge gap and be that guy they wanted to go out with.
Oftentimes, what they said they wanted in a guy and who they actually dated was completely different. I would hear them say things like I want a guy who’s romantic, and nice, and appreciates me, etc. And then I would see her with a douchebag who was the complete opposite of the guy she was describing as her ideal romantic partner; the guy was not nice, didn’t seem to appreciate her, and was far from being romantic. Even when it seemed that they treated them wrong, those girls would stick around like they were asking for more mistreatment and wanted to be emotionally tortured.
That’s when I realized that often women don’t know what attracts them to a guy, since attraction is not a choice, it happens naturally, it’s very hard to find a logical explanation to it especially for women who are very emotional, and most of their decision making is based on how they feel in that moment. So, I figured these not so nice guys must be doing something right, and started observing them and getting to know them closer. I watched their behaviour when I saw them on a date with a beautiful girl, asked them questions about the girls, and tried to be their friend. What I found out was that the guys that seemed to be “jerks” were actually displaying a lot of masculine traits, they were always going for what they wanted, saying what they were thinking, and didn’t take themselves very seriously, they were just focused on having a good time. And because of that, women—especially very beautiful ones—were naturally drawn to them.
For example, instead of taking their girl to a nice romantic restaurant like most guys would do, they would take her to a not so nice sports bar and sometimes with a bunch of their guy friends, leaving the impression that they didn’t care about their girl as much. So the girl had to do some work, and put in the effort to get the guy's attention. Women are natural chasers and they actually find it attractive when they have to work to get a guy they like, when someone is a challenge to them.
This is especially true for very beautiful ones. Can you imagine how many times an attractive girl has received compliments? By the time they are 21 probably they already had thousands of guys come up to her saying how beautiful she is and how much they liked her. And even more tried their way to get her out on a date. Well, she is so tired of easy access to all those great guys, so she starts wanting a challenge, someone she can’t easily get her way with, who stands up for himself and says no when necessary. The only way to get the attention of a beautiful girl is to give her less of your attention.
Now, I don’t want you to take this information wrong and think as if I am suggesting you to be a jerk and mistreat your lady; In fact, you must always respect and treat your girl nicely. But you have to show up as a confident guy. Do not just do things to please her, take her to a place you know you’ll enjoy first, and invite her to join you. Set dates confidently, with a definite time and place. Don’t be that guy who talks his date out of liking him by asking questions like Where do you want to go? Or what would you like to do tonight? The number one most attractive behaviour for women is confidence, a guy who goes for what he wants and drives his own fun bus.
Remember, whoever cares less in a relationship has more power, and this is especially true with women. I see this mistake all the time: a guy likes a girl, pedestalizes her for months, sometimes even years, and then finally decides to confess all his feelings, hoping she’ll feel the same. Nothing could be further from the truth. This often does the opposite and turns her off completely.
The right move is to ask her out on a date and see if she’s interested by spending time together, having fun, going for a kiss, and doing things that naturally lead to romance. If she tries to friendzone you, simply say you’re not interested in being just friends and move on. Start seeing other women. If she actually likes you, she’ll likely come back, because she sees you as a strong guy who goes for what he wants and stands up for himself.
Women don’t care how much you like them, they only care about how they feel about you.
That doesn’t mean you should be a dick or completely ignore her. You need to find a balance between showing too much interest and not caring at all. It’s best to match and mirror her level of interest, or even show slightly less. And if she’s not reciprocating at all, you need to stop your pursuit and wait for her to reach out.
In the past decade I’ve talked to countless women, those that I dated, my female friends and those I would simply strike up a conversion at random bars or restaurants. I would often ask them what they found most frustrating about the guys they dated. What most of them would say is that they liked a guy, they gave him her number or Instagram and whatnot, and they did everything a girl can do to get him to take the next step and ask her out so they could meet in person. A Guy would start chatting, trying to get to know her over the phone, be that friend like in Disney movies, and basically talk her out of dating him. So, women would complain that guys didn’t know how to set dates to facilitate physical interaction and getting together in person, where attraction and seduction can happen. They would say I liked the guy, and I gave him my number, but he would never ask me out on a date. It’s not because the guy didn’t like her. Most of the time it’s because of the wrong mindset that most guys acquire through years of watching Disney movies, romantic comedies, and mainstream media advice. They believe they have to get to know her first over the phone, be her friend and eventually she will find out what a nice guy he is and decide to go out with him. Guys, you already have her number! She already likes you or at least entertains the idea of liking you. When a girl you are interested in romantically is reaching out to you, you have to assume that she wants to see you and set a date. It’s as simple as that.
Rarely, women would call you or text you and say Hey, I want to see you so maybe you can suggest a place to meet up? What they do instead is that they will simply text you something like Hey, or How you been? Or send you a random meme, etc. You should interpret this as a sign that she’s thinking about you and it’s your job as a man to facilitate getting together in person and set a definite date. Don’t ask her where she wants to go or what she wants to eat. Suggest two days to meet and let her pick the one she’s available on. I say two days because it saves texting and calling, helps you set the date faster, and reduces the friction. The less you talk on the phone the better, save your charm for when you see her in person. If she’s not available on one, she’ll choose the other day.
If she mentions something like being allergic to sushi for example when you’ve suggested a sushi place, adjust the venue and suggest going somewhere else. But it’s very important that you make the first suggestion with a definite time and place. Do NOT set “maybe” dates.
These subtle differences separate a “nice guy” from a confident man who knows what he wants in life and can lead the interaction. Leading simply means going first. It doesn’t mean you’re more powerful or better than your date, it just means you take the initiative. Women—especially the ones in their feminine essence—love when you have things all planned out and she can simply get dressed up, relax and have a good time.