I hear the following phrases all the time; “It’s the hypergamy”, “it’s the dating apps”, “modern women are the problem”, “women only date for money”. If your mindset is focused around blaming others, especially women for your problems, then I promise you that your dating life will never get better. To solve the problem, you must first recognize that it exists, and the problem isn't women.
The Weakest Mindset You Can Have
This is the weakest mindset a man can have, to dump all the problems they are experiencing in dating to women and sit on their butts and do nothing about actually solving them. If you are struggling with dating, never getting the girls you really like, or never getting any attention from the women you find attractive, then there’s something YOU are doing wrong.
When you start blaming your date because you got ghosted when you thought things were going well, step back and analyze your own behaviour:
- What did you say that might have turned her off?
- How was your body language?
- How did you present yourself?
- Maybe you had a bad breath? (very common turn off for women)
Fix Your Life First
If you are constantly unhappy with your life circumstances - your career, social life, or not making enough money - then these are the problems you need to solve first.
Not necessarily fix everything before you start dating, but adopt the mindset:
I will and must turn things around
- Outline what you need to work on
- Prioritize the top three issues
- Get to work
There’s an invisible quality women have, something I’ve noticed in my own interactions with them. It’s like a heightened sensitivity, where they can read your energy almost instantly, picking up your vibe without even talking to you.
If you are happy on the inside and have your sh*t together:
- They are naturally drawn to you
- They want to be in your orbit
- They want your attention
But if you hate your life, hate your job, and constantly feel bad about yourself:
- They will keep their distance
Because they won’t feel good around you. And women are all about feelings, with most decisions based on how they feel in the moment.
Excuses vs Responsibility
Blaming women because you are not able to attract them is just an excuse to sit back and do nothing.
But as a man, there is massive potential:
- You can transform from a simp or beta male
- Into a confident, desirable man
- If you’re willing to put in the work
The Reality of Dating Dynamics
Women are naturally born to get our attention, and if they are beautiful, there is not much they need to do to have a ton of prospects willing to jump through hoops to be with them.
On the contrary, men are not born with that privilege. We must work on ourselves to get what we want.
So comparing your dating life to women’s is the wrong approach.
We often hear advice like:
Just be yourself and great things will come to you
Nothing can be further from the truth, unless you won the genetic lottery and look like Brad Pitt. But even then, you still need to understand:
- Dating fundamentals
- Relationship dynamics
- How women think and operate
Looks might help you get attention, but they won’t help you keep a woman.
Growth Starts With You
Learning and growing is the greatest gift we have as men. You must stop blaming others and start identifying problems within yourself.
That’s where real growth begins.
You can’t fix a problem until you recognize it exists.
Every failure or setback is an opportunity:
- A lesson given to you for free
- A chance to improve
Focus on:
- Small, consistent improvements
- Better daily habits
- Learning from failure
Where to Start
If you’re not sure where to begin, start here:
- Change your mindset
- Stop blaming women
- Take full responsibility
Once you adopt this mindset:
- Excuses disappear
- You see what works and what doesn’t
- You identify skills you need to improve
Keep learning, keep growing!